Sometimes as a photographer I want to express my own feelings through my lens. It doesn't always come out as planned, but I try. If only I could with one click tell a story of my pains or fears, by visualizing what is in my head to a print. I am forever trying to figure out how to do that! I think its easier at to photograph others emotions because they are unaware of what their faces show on a daily bases. For me to show my feelings, my pain, I have to recreate it on my own. But like most people, my pain is hidden with a smile or laughter, its suppose to be that way right?
There are times that life turns a direction that you never thought it would go. You sit back and wonder if anyone is noticing how that direction has influenced life to all. Did they notice the shift, do they care? Or is that shift or direction make things better for them? Or are they walking around with a smiling pretending nothing has changed? We can't always hide our feelings, our insecurities, our pains, because those that are closest notice....or should notice! But we all have these feelings at some point in our lives, and we try and hide them until there's a point we have to release. Then that is when those feelings are all over ones face. Our faces are designed that way...to express whats inside.
Through my lens, I try and capture those instant expressions that come to surface. Mostly they are happy times, or those fake smiles that come across ones face when you say "cheese". But we have those photos to look back on as happy times, they help us remember past days, past lives, good times. But what about the sad? Do I ignore them as a photographer? If only I could capture that instant frown, that one tear running down the cheek of a betrayed lover, or the pain one feels after loosing their parent. Those emotions are real, just as real as the smile, but often never captured. Do we not want to see it or remember it? But isn't that what makes us human and truly know we are alive? They ARE just as important!
If only through my own lens I could capture my hidden tears, the pain I feel when I am hurt. Would those around me understand me more? Would they love me more? Would I matter more? I will be forever trying to figure out how to do that. But I suppose until then, you would have to ask me how I feel, and trust that not only with a smile there is a frown, and not only where there is laughter there are tears.